COCOON- When there is a cocoon like piece of dung still hanging on your cheek and after shaking it, becomes dislodged and falls into the water below. Before it gets flushed you notice something moving around inside.
DIAL- When you think you're done and while you're getting up off the crapper, a soap sized piece shoots out and lands on the floor. You don't notice it until it's too late: you slip on it, crack your head open and die. Very bad this kind of poo.
TORPEDO- This kind really hurts comin out. It hurts so much in fact, that it makes you double over just as your sister is coming in the bathroom and the sheer force of it takes her head clean off.
SNIPER- Same as above but it goes through the door and smashes sis in the head causing internal bleeding and death.
UFO- It is huge and sphere-like. When you go flush, it floats out of the toilet, out of the bathroom and breaks out through the window. It is last seen vanishing into the heavens.
BROWNACONDA- Need I say more? 10 footers are not uncommon.
TADPOLE- This one is when you're taking a bath with a loved one and you accidentally squeeze one out. Your loved one flips out and runs out the door screaming. You follow to try and resolve the situation. After a few hours you come back, single, and go to the tub to pull out the stopper. You freeze when you notice that the turd is not only floating but swimming around the tub. You feel it is best to leave it alone. On the 3rd day it starts to grow legs and arms. This is when you say enough is enough and scoop it out with a baseball hat and drop it in the toilet where it belongs. You flush 6 times, terrified.
MEOW- You strain and strain and then SPLOOSH, it hits the water. When you get up you notice it isn't a piece of shit at all but a living and breathing cat head!
(all of these are true except for the last one; please take great delight in the fact that these are just microscopic excerpts from the mammoth journal "POO LOG" )
